Singles and others listen up! Communication is commonly thought of as a principle —or THE principle — to good relationships of whatever form. I certainly can not disagree with the importance of good communication which is not simply "expressing feelings". However, J. Michael Paul’s The Greatest Social Fallacy Ever reveals a deeper foundation: one that is either often overlooked or taken for granted or not articulated as nicely as Mr. Paul presents it. It is being available. Being available is certainly a foundational key to encountering God’s will, God in others, and God Himself. Married, single (in a relationship or not) or consecrated: here’s an “examination of conscience” of sorts that needs to be made.
It happened in the late 1990s. I would witness God crush one of the greatest social fallacies that has ever existed. He did this between two people. This falsehood pollutes the minds of believers everywhere, hinders growth in Christ, and interferes with the work of the Holy Spirit. However, this time, in Charlotte, North Carolina, God had His way.
So, what is this social fallacy or myth?
“I don’t know you, therefore I don’t need you.”
Two billion of us call ourselves Christians. That means that we have confessed that we are sinners and that Jesus Christ is our Savior. It also means that the Kingdom of God is inside of us. If the Kingdom is within us, then logic determines that this all-powerful and all-knowing God would influence us. In fact, Jesus promised us that (John 14: 23 & John 16: 13).
I am convinced that some singles actually practice and rehearse this falsehood. They are so focused on their goals and on what they believe is good for everyone else that they really don’t want strangers coming along in their lives. A portion of them are blessed to already live a life of contentment with family and friends. If only God would make things even easier for them and provide a “ready-made” spouse. Then, their lives would be complete. So they think.
All they want is “marriage material”. If you don’t represent the possibility of marriage to them, then there is no point of striking up a conversation. You are dismissed even before you take one step toward such people. Never mind that God may have called you to be that person’s good neighbor or even a friend.
Never mind that they may have a need that God sees and that you are gradually being called to recognize the need and to fill it. Nope, they want marriage material and marriage material alone. No room for anyone else in their hearts.
How good it was for me that I didn’t make that mistake in September 1995.
A woman named Ann dialed my home phone number. “Hi, J. Michael, you don’t know me. We saw each other only briefly at a conference a month ago. A friend gave me your number. I know this may sound odd, but I contacted you because I felt led by God to do it.”
One doesn’t need to live on this planet very long to know that history has given us plenty of crazy people who did crazy things because “God told them so”. Yet, there was something about Ann that made me want to give her a chance. Many would say: “Why would a 29-year old male want to strike up a friendship with a 48-year old woman?”
This 29-year old male was a ticking bomb when it came to his health. He had already been diagnosed with advanced Graves Disease four years earlier. But, he had the surprise of his life coming in 1998.
Ann kept saying, “Tell your mother that things are okay now. You have a motherly woman looking after you.”
I was thinking, “Why is Ann saying these things? I am eleven hours from my home town and have embarked on a new life. The freedom is good and she is talking about my need for a mother to watch over me.”
We became friends and spent an abundance of prayer and social time together. She married a friend that we both knew through the Church. Ann provided me with high quality literature on developing my life with Christ.
Then I became the prophet. On January 1, 1998, I called Ann and said, “I think this may sound strange, but I believe that I am supposed to live in your home.”
Ann (now married one year to our mutual friend Bob) said, “That doesn’t sound strange at all.”
Bob said, “Whatever Ann wants, that is fine with me.”
Two weeks later, I was standing in my kitchen and had what seemed like a stroke. I instantaneously felt like I was a very old man. Astonishing weakness and dizziness overcame me. My right ring finger turned purple. Half of my face fell within minutes. The doctor said that it was not a stroke. It was a brutal, brutal form of Bells Palsy.
Mama Ann was there to pick up the pieces. I moved in and began the long process of recovery. Today, my right eyebrow still refuses to express astonishment. Other than that, the facial paralysis has pretty much faded away.
Thank you to Ann and to Bob for listening to the Holy Spirit. Praise God!!
Credit: This article is property of J. Michael Paul (2007) Mesa, Arizona. It may be freely copied and distributed as long as the original title "The Greatest Social Fallacy Ever" and the author's name appears with the piece.
Photo: Wall of Light Summer by Sean Scully (2005) Hood Museum of Art